Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
