I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
