she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
