you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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