i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
