Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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