There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
