So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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