Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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