why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
