i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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