In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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