walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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