I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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