Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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