he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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