I didn't shave. On purpose
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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