i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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