I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
