We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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