Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
