i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
