..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
