Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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