trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
