You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
