Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
