I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
