As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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