i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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