you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize