I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
