any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm both gender and math confused
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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