so that wasnt chicken after all
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no, he came in my armpit
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
