I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
