we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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