We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
