u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
