you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
