No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
