I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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