We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
