his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
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