guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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