it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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