I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
