She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
