i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
