Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
