i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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