my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
