i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
