do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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