Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
