I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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