YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
