her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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