I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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