Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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