remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
