what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize