M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just found puke in my bra..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
