But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
