So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
