you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
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Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize