I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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