Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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