put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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