I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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