OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
