(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
