It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
