My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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