mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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