so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
