I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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